I think im going to throw up on grandma
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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