If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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