i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
