She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
