The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
