Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize