hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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