I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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