so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The air was thick with penises
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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