he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
