This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
