porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
