Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
