well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
