Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
