The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
