a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
