It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
