turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
