He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
