i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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