Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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