It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
