Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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