the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
