I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You made out with two different species that night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want nice things and good sex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
