i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
