how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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