There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize