My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize