I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize