your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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