So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
