considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
