It's Friday. Sex?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
