Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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