I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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