How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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