my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
