Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
