I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
