is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
