I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
