So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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