Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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