how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
