the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
