Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it glows. i had to have it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
