Whod you bang
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize