you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
