So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
