Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
