Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
