I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
