youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
