ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
