just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize