i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
