You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
