The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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