The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
